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This tagline can kiss my ass.

• We bought a house!

  Only 13 days, 8 hours, 4 minutes, 57 seconds until we close on the house!

  Only 11 days, 6 hours, 4 minutes, 57 seconds until we take possession of the house!

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• Latest Tweets

  • Devastating: golden tee has been replaced at my bar. 4 hrs ago
  • Trying to drink wine with @MrsAsher but she's playing games on her phone. So now we're doing shots. 2 days ago
  • Just had to remove a bunny from my garden. Bastards. 3 days ago
  • Sometimes I think, "Without Google, my job would be so much harder." 3 days ago
  • Drippy kitchen faucet, you have been defeated. 4 days ago
  • I think this portmanteaux should become more popular: Alcoholiday - Leisure time spent drinking. 5 days ago
  • This is the third pair of shorts I've ripped from Express. Never buying again. /cc @Express @ExpressLife 1 week ago
  • Most people, if they ripped their shorts, would go home and put on new ones. Not me. Duct tape. 1 week ago
  • I wonder how long I've been unknowingly walking around with an 18" rip in my shorts... All day? Since lunch? 1 week ago
  • I don't understand how two adults can fight like petulant children. 1 week ago
  • More updates...

• Random

  I DVR two episodes of Jeopardy! each day.

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