Category Archives: Humor

8 Year Old British Kids Can Say Whatever They Want

When your 8 year old son asks you if there is a swear word worse than ‘Fuck’.  Your initial thought should not be ‘Yes’. Your first thought should be “Why the fuck are you saying the word ‘Fuck’?!  You’re eight fuckin’ years old!”  Let alone having a discussion with your child about whether or not you’re lying when you say “No, there isn’t a word worse than ‘Fuck’.”

But that’s just what John Ronson did.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the article about such a conversation is admittedly funny.  But that doesn’t detract from the fact that the guy had a lapse in judgment when it came to what came out of his mouth.

Just thought I’d throw that out there.

Via The Guardian.

A Football Joke

Normally, joke-email forwards aren’t particularly funny.  This, however, is an exception:

A guy walks into Tanners wearing a Chiefs jersey, and carrying a cat that also has a Chiefs jersey on with a little Chiefs helmet on his head, too.

The guy says to the bartender, “Can my cat and I watch the Chiefs game here?  Thing is, my TV is broken and my cat and I always watch the game together.” The bartender replies, “Normally cats wouldn’t be allowed in Tanners, but it’s not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can have a seat at the end of the bar.  But, if there’s any trouble with you or the cat, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

The guy agrees, and he and the cat start watching the game.  Pretty soon the Chiefs kick a field goal.   The excited cat jumps up on the bar, walking up and down it giving high-fives to all the other patrons.

The bartender says,  “Hey, that’s pretty cool! What does he do for a touchdown?”

The guys answers, “I don’t know.   I’ve only had him 3 years.”

Bill Maher is Right About Barack Obama

I have to agree with this bit by Bill Maher on President Obama. I think a lot of people feel this way about him, really. I don’t really blame Obama for being on the news 800 times a day about the most retarded of shit – that ugly ass dog for example, but whatever. That stuff isn’t his fault I don’t think. But I would like him to ball up on pushing through some good policies. Via Filmoculous.

Kathleen Sebelius Is Hot

James Asher
Random, but would you fuck Kathleen Sebelius?
JC
hahaha
no, most certainly not.
James Asher
what? seriously?
JC
she’s old, dude.
James Asher
yeah but kind of hot for 60 year old
JC
no, dude.
NO
James Asher
i’m not the only one: http://www.superficialgallery.com/Columns/Acadia/HotPoliticians/KathleenSebelius.htm
yes, i did just google for ‘is kathleen sebelius hot?’
JC
dude
if there’s one thing i’ve learned
it’s that people will dig up your google searches in order to tarnish your reputation
be careful, dude
James Asher
LOL
JC
a search like that could get you arrested in a state like kansas.
James Asher
for Kathleen Sebelius? I’d do it
JC
haha
James Asher
you know what the word for 60 year old is?
sexagenarian
i’d like to sex that whole generation
fuck yeah
JC
hahaha
James Asher
you know what the best thing about banging a 60 year old is?
AARP discount the next morning at IHOP
wammy!
JC
hahaha

How to Take A Screen Shot

Jackie
hey, I have a computer guy question

James Asher
so naturally you think of me

Jackie
How do I take a screen shot and save it as a jpeg
Yes, I know no others

James Asher
what kind of computer are you on? windows i assume?

Jackie
windows

James Asher
XP?

Jackie
xp

James Asher
ok, set up your screen for whatever you want a screen shot of
in the sort of top right of your keyboard there is a button called ‘print screen’
press that

Jackie
yes, k

James Asher
then go into paint and go to edit>paste
then file>save as, choose jpg

Jackie
will it save just the picture or will it have the white around it?
I’ll have to crop it in another program?

James Asher
is the screen that you want a picture of not maximized?

Jackie
erm

James Asher
ok, do you want a picture of your whole screen or just a picture of the program window?

Jackie
sure, the second one (this is sort of theoretical in that I don’t want to do it now, but will in the future)

James Asher
hold alt when you press print screen
it will take a picture of whatever program window you have open

Jackie
Yay!
look it’s amazing
gah, that was simple. Thanks, James

James Asher
i am a many of many talents
when you tell this story to your friends, and I know you will, could I be shirtless? I think it’s more impressive if I’m shirtless

Jackie
it’s true
Ha, yes!
Done

James Asher
haha

Michael Vick

The Wife is an elementary school teacher. Over the weekend, we went to her school so we could put up the Christmas present I got her. While we were there I noticed a large grouping of student art on the wall. As I was casually looking it over, I noticed one in particular. I’ll describe it to you and you tell me what you think:

  • Black man
  • Football player
  • Black helmet on
  • White jersey
  • Red jersey number
  • Jersey number: 7

So, who is it? It’s Michael Vick. Yeah, you know, the one who ran a dogfighting ring at his house and also killed the poor-performing dogs with his bare-fucking-hands.  Also currently spending time in prison.

I asked her how long it had been there and she said about 2-3 months. Ha!

By the time we had left, she took it down. 🙂